Innnnnncredible

So I got this new cellphone a couple weeks ago. It's a Samsung x427. I know it sounds far-fetched, but I'm pretty certain there were some wiseass programmers that helped in the making of this phone.

The phone has this sweet feature for text messaging. Basically, you take a word you want to spell out and type on the buttons with the corresponding letters. Instead of scrolling through each letter like you do on normal phones, it guesses which word you're trying to spell out, and it's correct 90% of the time. For example, if you want to spell out "you", instead of having to press 9,9 for Y, 6,6,6 for O (the evilest letter, apparently.) and 8, 8 for U, you simply hit 968, and there you go.

This mostly works for common words. No names or specific places or anything like that. I get bored at work a lot, so like any normal red-blooded american, I decided to put the phone to the test and see if I could get any cuss words out of it.

I started off with simple ones, like 'fuck', 'shit', 'piss', etc. They didn't work. I tried some technical terms. Some of those worked, but I guess they would have to because they aren't technically cuss words. 'Vagina' works, but 'penis' doesn't. 'Fellatio' doesn't work, but 'felate' and 'cunnilingus' do.

I was somewhat satisfied with the small success, but i still yearned to auto-spell TRUE CUSSES. I tried 'cock', because it has a double meaning, but it still didnt work. Neither did 'hump', which is not only not really a cuss, but also a double meaning word. In case you were wondering, instead of 'hump', the phone spells out 'guns'. Guns are way worse than humps.

Without losing any of my determination, I attempted to trick the phone by using compound swear words. 'asshole'? nope. 'fuckface'? nope. 'dickhead'? nope. Then...success....

Even though, no matter how many times you try, the phone simply REFUSES to type out the word 'cock', and you could very well be talking about a chicken, it has ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM spelling out the word:

c-o-c-k-t-e-a-s-e.

cocktease.

cocktease is incredibly enough, factory programmed into my phone. COCKTEASE.

I tried to take photographic evidence, but the digicam doesnt like taking pics of cell phone screens.

If I find anymore awesome things i can automatically call you with my text messaging system, I will be sure to post them.